The Horrifying Journey to Motherhood

I remember when I was nearly 9 months pregnant with Everett and I was sitting in my car as the high school got out for the day. Hundreds and hundreds of teenagers passed by as I had a completely horrifying realization: each one of these teenagers (of which 97% of them were bigger than I) had at one time emerged from their mom in a terrifying and insane manner.

I wasn't sure I wanted to go through that and felt terrible for all those mothers out there that already had. But it was too late, my fate was sealed. A baby was going to come out of me in one way or another.

With the help of drugs, the assistance of a vacuum and 3 longs hours of intense pushing, I became a mother. And boy, did I feel bad for myself. No one should have to go through that and I would never do that, again.

Here I am a fool cause I actually did do it again, twice, and lived to pass on the horror. Luckily, for my younger two, their deliveries were much easier, but unluckily for me I don't have that to hold over their heads.

So the moral of the story is: think twice before having sex cause you might end up having this horrifying experience...followed by homemade cards with cheesy little kids faces on them, being awaken at 6 am to tell you happy mommy's day and hugs that just won't end.

Happy Mother's Day to all my fellow fools and I hope you are as lucky as I am to have a brood of love and a somewhat fuzzy memory.